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Disappointment
Aug. 5th, 2008 10:31 amUgh, some useless pointless ranting and venting ahead, for a change, because I've been in a stupid mood for days.
I have recently come to confess myself something: I'm too serious about my fic now. Way too serious. And I'm disappointed in myself because of this. Unfortunately, this is something that happens to me with every single hobby: at first, I'm just overjoyed at how cool and nice it is, but then, sometime later, I get serious, and then it's no longer fun, it's all frowny-faced.
Back in June I wrote about my writing that "I'm just having fun, and if someone likes it, that's just a wonderful side-effect." I don't think I can say that anymore. Yes, I still write because I like fic and I think writing is fun, but I also spend a lot of time wondering what people will think about it, and once it's posted, I keep checking my mail neurotically to see if I've had any comments. Naturally, if there aren't any, I'm quick to interpret it as proof that the fic sucked. I'm convinced that Wit and Whiskey was a failure, because it only got comments from two people, one of them being my beta. Not to mention how I freak out if I get any comments that are even borderline negative.
What wouldn't I do to get back the feeling that this is just fun and it doesn't matter what others think! I'm afraid that sooner or later, my perfectionism will get the better of me and I'll just quit writing because I feel I'm not good enough - and I don't want that to happen, because I love writing. :(
I have recently come to confess myself something: I'm too serious about my fic now. Way too serious. And I'm disappointed in myself because of this. Unfortunately, this is something that happens to me with every single hobby: at first, I'm just overjoyed at how cool and nice it is, but then, sometime later, I get serious, and then it's no longer fun, it's all frowny-faced.
Back in June I wrote about my writing that "I'm just having fun, and if someone likes it, that's just a wonderful side-effect." I don't think I can say that anymore. Yes, I still write because I like fic and I think writing is fun, but I also spend a lot of time wondering what people will think about it, and once it's posted, I keep checking my mail neurotically to see if I've had any comments. Naturally, if there aren't any, I'm quick to interpret it as proof that the fic sucked. I'm convinced that Wit and Whiskey was a failure, because it only got comments from two people, one of them being my beta. Not to mention how I freak out if I get any comments that are even borderline negative.
What wouldn't I do to get back the feeling that this is just fun and it doesn't matter what others think! I'm afraid that sooner or later, my perfectionism will get the better of me and I'll just quit writing because I feel I'm not good enough - and I don't want that to happen, because I love writing. :(
